Pansy Howell Fedee
“I get tremendous satisfaction when I remember what the kids were and when I see what they’ve become.”
By Leon Suseran
Pansy Howell-Fedee has a gift; a gift that requires a lot of patience; a gift that brings with it the natural ability to love and care and nurture. And she does it selflessly every day, just as she has been doing for the past several decades.
She loves to be around children. But she does more than that. She takes care of them, their needs; she cuddles and holds them when they are sad; she reaches out to them; she has given her entire life to them.
Pansy Howell-Fedee has provided a place called ‘home’ for countless homeless and abandoned children.
Being the eleventh of fifteen children, she became attached to her younger sisters and they used to move around a lot.
“We couldn’t go out unless all of us went out together and came back together. I grew up an Adventist and it was like a norm to us—you know you had to get home early on Friday to do your chores so you can welcome Sabbath.”
Pansy recounted that as a young child, she was not allowed to go to dances or theatres, “but it wasn’t a big deal to me and I didn’t feel I missed out on anything in childhood”. She was a very obedient child and grew up amongst a strict upbringing, which she is thankful for.
After high school, she attended the New Amsterdam Technical Institute and graduated with the second batch in 1974 with a certificate in Electrical Installation. She was an aspiring electrician.
However, reluctantly, she had to migrate to Canada shortly after. She did not want to, but was asked by one of her sisters who was living over there, to do such. She migrated in 1975 and graduated as an Electronic Technologist.
“I had everything here, but eventually I went and furthered my studies.”
She got married in 1979 and had two children.
She reflected on a night in 1988 watching television and viewing a programme about kids who were being abused and molested in foster homes, “and then the thought came to me that I could do that, so I called and asked for an application and I got it, but years passed and I didn’t full it up but one day the Lord prompted me”.
Our ‘Special Person’ with some of the kids she cares for at the Home
Pansy stated that she received that “special calling” to take care of kids at a very young age. Years before, she had been volunteering to take care of her sister’s baby “and I was there helping her, so I think, I want to believe that you are born with these gifts”.
She proceeded to fill the application form and started to do foster care. She adopted four children and took them into her home in Toronto.
She developed a relationship with children not biologically hers. She showed them a different side of the world, and most importantly, she showed them love.
“It was good bringing them home and letting them experience a loving environment. When I got married, I said I wanted 5 kids—then I got 2 and soon after I was losing them and I questioned God, but I didn’t realize he was preparing me for this [adoption]…so I think He prepares us even when we don’t even know, he is doing it.”
She later adopted more kids. This created no problem with her biological children, as they, along with her husband, supported the move to make other little ones happy. And she was no less a mother to those she adopted.
Pansy fondly remembered one little boy in particular. “He was not two years old as yet—one whom I adopted, and his mom was schizophrenic and when you go to feed him, he couldn’t even open his mouth to chew and I started to give him soft foods, and would take him to McDonalds and feed him at the back of the restaurant, opening his mouth, little by little until he started to eat…and now he is a big man and has got two kids of his own.”
The care-giver recalled the many situations and instances that surrounded the children to whom she was sometimes called to nurture and care for.
“At one time, they never used to eat- -their moms took the money and bought drugs; sometimes they were left at the park,” she recalled about the various kids for whom she cared. She did compare Canada to Guyana in terms of resources to help such children.
“They [Canada] have counselors for these kids so they help you help them. They will see and visit[ psychologists] and will help you to understand what the children are going through, but here—you have to do it yourself”.
Having spent close to 30 years in Canada, 20 of which were spent in foster care, caring for kids, she returned home to Guyana. She discussed what urged her to return to her homeland.
“I had a dream about my mom one night, urging me to go and take care of the kids [in Guyana]. She was dying and I was at her foot, sitting, and she got up and said, ‘before I die, I want to tell you to take care of the kids’ and I couldn’t understand.”
A voice from a crying child came to her “and then I realized what my mom was telling me, so I decided to go and do this in Guyana. I thought to myself, ‘Canada can take care of their kids; I am going to go to Guyana and I will open a place where I can help in the same way”.
Grooming one of the little ones
She returned here in 2002 and started work on an orphanage for underprivileged and abused children. The Children of Promise Orphanage opened its doors to the public in Smythfield, New Amsterdam in 2005 with 13 kids. It was not easy starting what she started. There was no assistance so she had to do it all on her own; provide her own financial aid as well as resource personnel to be around in the home to stay with the kids.
“When we started, it was a bit rough, but now, more people are coming on board, so it’s much better—God has been good”.
When asked about some of the joys of doing such work, Pansy responded, “I get tremendous satisfaction when I remember what the kids were and when I see what they’ve become. With these kids, you can see the difference, because a lot of them come as babies. Some would say to me, ‘Mommy when you get old, we will take care of you, just like you take care of us, and I would smile. That’s the joy”.
There were some times she said, when she would wonder, “Why am I doing this work?’ because people would tell me that I left my kids and grandkids and come here to take care of other people’s kids’, but I never looked at it that way. I tell myself, that somebody did it for me—Jesus went to the Cross for me”.
Pansy said that with a little love the children will all flourish. She is hesitant to call the facility an ‘orphanage, “but more a home because they grow up like a normal situation… mom and dad and home—that kind of thing. We have morning worship together, open and close Sabbath, so it’s more like a home setting”.
Our ‘Special Person’ also stated that the kids are welcome to stay for as long as they like, since for her, it’s their lifelong abode “…it doesn’t mean that they will have to leave when they reach a certain age…no, this is their home”.
She remembers five-year-old Antonio constantly asking, ‘Mommy, when I get big, where will I go?’ She stated that she replied to him that “this is your home—when you decide to take a wife, we will give you a wedding and send you off, just like you would be in a normal home’, so that’s the kind of life I want to give them, where they stay here until they decide to get married—this is an orphanage with a twist”.
Today, she is still in contact—through Social media, etc—with many of the kids whom she fostered over the years “and they still call me ‘mom’”.
While there are joys, there are many challenges, she said, doing this kind of work in Guyana. “The kids need the psychological help, especially with what they go through—not all of them—but the abused ones, you see the effects, and to me, it follows them no matter how small, so my greatest challenge is that I wish there can be more help for them. I wish we can make better laws to support and protect these kids. Guyana says there are laws for this and laws for that, but they don’t implement them fast enough.
A group family portrait in 2010. Pansy is third from left
“To me if you have money, you can get away with anything—the laws don’t protect the kids. You will hear of things happening in homes and that the police are dealing with it, but they need to step in and immediately remove the children from those persons. Most times you remove the child until it is safe again.”
Pansy emphatically stated that she will do this kind of work until she is able no more.
“I love it and I love to see smiles on their little faces. Whenever I travel anywhere, I always walk with a little teddy bear or pencil or candy and when kids are misbehaving, I would ask their mom or dad if it’s okay and I would give them [the kids] and it feels good; it brings you joy to see their little faces light up.”